I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
