dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
