I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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