i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
