i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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