i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
