dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
