She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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