there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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