I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
