went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
