i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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