; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
