evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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