I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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