return my video game
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize