she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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