So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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