Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
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No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
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Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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