Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
