I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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