I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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