Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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