my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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