i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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