she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
