I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
