i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
