1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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