I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
