I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
