fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
