on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The beer is more important than you right now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
