Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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