you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
