There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
