Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
