sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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