Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
