am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I smell stomach acid.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
