and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
