my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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