rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How external is "for external use only"?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
