apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
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you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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