you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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