Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
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I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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