Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
