I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
