Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
