Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
