I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
