Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
