??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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