I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
