peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
