Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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