Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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