Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
