a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
