Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
