No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
