he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
