My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
