I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
