Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
