I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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