So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
