she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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