all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
