where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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