well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he shaved USA in his pubs
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize