I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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