She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being pregnant is like rehab
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize