She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
