I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
