Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
