How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
