my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
