you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
