My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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